First time does not count

But before I opened the meeting places in the Big City - this was in October 1967 - I made two acquaintances here, not far from my home, in our small Suburb.

Once I went to sunbathe in the park, there was a clearing where people usually sunbathed. I tried to be near sunbathing guys, men. On that day, too, I lay down so that I could see two sunbathers. One was older, about twenty-seven, with a beard and mustache, and the other was young, probably twenty, tanned, with body hair and an athletic figure. I liked the athletic one , but I attracted the attention of the other, the one with the beard. We started looking at each other.

Soon the young one left (probably the older one sent him away), and I immediately moved with my sunbathing blanket closer to the older one - I don’t remember under what pretext. Immediately everything became clear, our bodies began touching. His name was Vladimir. He was a teacher of mineralogy at the Mining High School. Mustache, beard ... he looked like a mixture of Nicholas II and Limonov. The body was completely smooth, without a single hair.

In a word, I did not like him, but I hoped that finally through him I would get to know people from this circle, i.e. I will be introduced to more suitable people for me. We walked for a long time (it was during white nights), kissed on the mouth. I was disgusted by it, there was the feeling of a soft sponge sticking to my face. In addition, he kept talking some intellectual nonsense all the time - about the Aryan race, about its superiority, about the Slavs, Russians, Germans. He presented me with an illustration by Čiurlionis (Lithuanian avant-garde artist), gave me Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra. But all this was later, and before that, one day he came to me - so we agreed - when I had no one at home. He had a cream with him, we lay down on the sofa, he greased my ass and fucked me once. In general, it was like the first time, it could be counted "for real". I even groaned in pain.

Objectively, everything in him was good - good figure, he was tall and had regular features, a big dick, not from faggot environment, but rather, he was "walking alone". However his type of a gentile intellectual did not appeal me at all. I no longer wanted another fuck with him and dodged it under various pretexts. I often called him, tried to arrange a meeting somewhere where his friends would be.

Once it happened. He invited me to the Metropol restaurant. At the table there were some men (all straight - I did not know this word then) and women. It seems it was the first time I was in a restaurant like this with strangers, and I felt awkward and insecure. I quickly got drunk from a small amount of alcohol. Suddenly, a quarrel broke out. I remember that his friends berated him, Vladimir. And I remember that he was strongly reproached for something. It seemed to me that they reproached him for seducing young guys (meaning me, or what?). Seizing the moment, I ran out of the restaurant. I rushed to my house. On the way in the suburban train I met a school friend, we stood in the vestibule, smoked, talked, and I calmed down.

Then this Vladimir asked me to return Zarathustra. I returned the book. Well, the painting by Čiurlionis that he presented, or rather, an illustration, lay around at our house for a long time, then the glass frame on it cracked. I think it's still in the house somewhere. Here it is:

 Čiurlionis. Truth.

Vladimir Sh. died a long time ago. But, thanks to the Internet, after more than half a century, I found a photograph of him, where he is together with colleagues in geology, mineralogy at the department of the Precambrian era. All this was so long ago, as if indeed in the era of the Precambrian. Vladimir:

 

School years

I don’t know how it was in big cities, but in our suburb, where I lived, in those distant times - the end of the 1950s - the beginning of the 1960s - no one spoke about and, it seems, no one knew that it’s possible to fuck in the mouth. It wasn't mentioned. I didn't hear about it even from notorious womanizers and debauchees. There were no jokes about this. Fuck in the ass - yes, it was! This idea existed, and there was a lot of talk about it. Since there is a hole in the ass, then you can fuck it, such was the logic, apparently. But what about the mouth? Moreover, many in childhood years generally believed that fucking happens only in the ass. They didn't have exact knowledge of human anatomy.

If for some reason two teenagers slept in the same bed (and this happened), then in most cases there were attempts, sometimes successful, to fuck in the ass. Once I spent a night in a booth of collective garden plots because there had to be a night watch. There was a guy with me a little younger than me. So we ended up sleeping in the same bed in that booth. I assumed that maybe we would fuck, and I gave myself an enema beforehand.

And so it happened. We tossed and turned for a long time, talked about fucking, and, in the end, the boy fucked me. Later we met by chance in the city, and we behave as if nothing had happened. In those days, this phenomenon was not designated in any way, there were no words for it, there was no "fag", "gay", etc. It was perceived as a kind of cuddling or a kind of mischief, or something. And later in life, already when we were adults, this was often not indicated verbally either. "Faggot" didn't mean someone who fucked men, it was just a swear word.

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1957

Then I often went to places where people sunbathed and swam. In the suburbs where I lived, there were many parks with lakes and ponds, and in summer, in warm weather, sunbathers lay everywhere. Walking along the beaches was what I called "examining the bodies." Swim trunks were just coming into use then, and many guys and men were in simple black shorts. Some of these shorts were tucked up, rolled up. When they lay in shorts, one could even see balls, dick, and in general these underpants, especially if wet, outlined the entire relief of this part of the body.

We changed clothes and squeezed out wet shorts anywhere, most often in the bushes. So quite often, while  walking, you could see male nudity. Some naked bodies that I peeped impressed me so much that I still remember them ... they remain before my eyes ...

For some reason, it seems to me that in those days, men and guys were taller, bigger and more powerful than they are now. At that time they didn’t pump muscles artificially, the bodies were sinewy, and the muscles were natural.

Russians and non-Russians

At school, most classmates were unattractive, somehow colorless and sexless (Russian type). Among this colorlessness, single representatives of the southern peoples stood out as bright blotches. One was a Tatar, the other was from the Caucasus, and there were also a couple of Jews. We were still sexless boys, and they were already acquiring male characteristics. They began to develop hair on their bodies, their eyes were black and very black, their pubes were full of black hair, and some even had visible hairs on their chests, and in general their behavior was more like a man's. It was they who attracted my special attention. I sought friendship with them.

I remember when I was 13 years old, we went on a multi-day trip. There, in one city, everyone went to a common bath. This was my first visit to a public bath. Of all the guys, only one Jew had a real dick, like an adult, and thick thickets of pubic hair. True, he was a year older than us, i.e. 14 year old. I remember ... (By the way, he died very early, probably at the age of 55.) 

I remember how in the 10th grade we were supposed to have a physical examination. It was already known in advance that they would take off their underpants and examine the genitals. I was very worried before this medical examination, I wanted to avoid it. Failed. I was also worried that I would have to take my underpants off in front of the guys I like. Everything went well for me, no one put me naked in front of others, and the Tatar from our class, who was in line next to me, suddenly pulled his underpants to the bottom – I don’t know why - and there a big dick appeared to my eyes. I didn’t even think that such weighty things existed, and I was very surprised. And then he exposed his ass. Even the aunt-doctor made a remark to him - "why are you taking off your panties so completely."

Here, too, both the Tatar and the other one from the Caucasus died very early, at the age of 50.

Meeting with a pedophile

 

 

I was 11 years old, I still did not know anything about sexuality. It was in Chisinau, Moldavia. My relatives and I went to the small hall of the “Patria” cinema. As I remember now, they showed the film "Anaconda" (a documentary film by Jiri Ganzelka and Miroslav Zikmund, 1958). Relatives sat in the last rows, and I, in short pants, ran to the front row. A middle-aged man (Russian) plopped down next to me. As soon as the lights went out, the man put his hand on my bare knee. At first, he just put it down, then he began to stroke my leg and got closer to my pants. I seemed to like all this, but when his hand began to crawl under short pants and touch and pull my penis, I began to resist, grabbed his hand and took it away from this place. I had not yet had any pubic hair, the penis did not get hard, I did not feel any excitement. While the film was shown, for probably one hour, all this was repeated many times: I removed his hand from the penis, he again put it on my knee and slowly moved towards my pants, trying to get inside. My bum didn't interest him at all. What was happening frightened me very much but, on the other hand, aroused strong curiosity: what is it? who is this man? what does he want from me? What if I could see what's in his pants? I hardly even watched the movie.

When the light began to gradually turn on after the end of the film, the man stood up abruptly, glanced at me with a smirk or something (I remember that he had iron teeth) and quickly left the cinema hall.

But if he had invited me somewhere, I would have gone with him. That's for sure.

This incident made me very excited. I thought about it for a long time, put forward the most fantastic versions... But only when I grew up, I realized that there was a name for this, that he was a pedophile. But even now it is not clear to me what he wanted from my small childish penis with a complete lack of interest for my ass.